


That's So Raven

by troopertrish



Category: Teen Titans (Animated Series)
Genre: Comedy, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Other, a socially awkward raven
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-10
Updated: 2017-03-10
Packaged: 2018-10-02 05:03:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10210178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/troopertrish/pseuds/troopertrish
Summary: *I would like to sincerely apologize. I have edited this summary after a couple of fellow authors have corrected me for using a demeaning and socially-unacceptable word. I take full responsibility for being careless with what I write.*Behind her cool facade and frightening powers, the Titans know how adorably socially awkward Raven is, and have willingly brought it upon themselves to patiently help her in situations that highlight her lack of social skills. A series of stories showcasing an awkward Raven, a group of scheming Titans and a blossoming relationship between everyone's favorite empath and Robin.





	1. Vagaccident

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 1: Chapter 1 - Vagaccident

Everyone looked at Raven, shock turning into horror as her words sunk in. the empath, however, just sighed. "You guys don't have to be so dramatic about it. It's not a big deal," she said.

"Not a big deal?" Beastboy burst out, his hands flailing around above his head. "Not knowing how to ride a bike IS a big deal! It's like not knowing the cheat codes to Donkey Kong."

"Or changing a tire," Cyborg added.

"Or doing a cartwheel," Robin said thoughtfully. Starfire squeezed between him and Cyborg to join the fray. "Or constructing a norblath out of thorax wings," she said, wringing her hands together at the disturbing thought only she could understand.

"Well, I don't know how to do any of those either," Raven replied nonchalantly.

The Titans' eyes went wider as they gasped in unison. "You've got to be kidding!" Beastboy cried out, looking at Raven with wild eyes.

"I don't kid," Raven said, glaring at him, "which means I'm very serious when I say that I'm going to blow all of you to the roof if you don't stop ogling at me like I suddenly sprouted a second head."

"A second head wouldn't really be a surprise, Rae," Beastboy said, "I mean, you already have four glowing red eyes." Raven gave him a threatening snarl, making him jump away from her. Sensing Raven's annoyance, Robin stepped in between the two and held his hands up.

"Alright, calm down," he ordered, his voice taking on a commanding tone. "There's no need to kill each other over the fact that Raven – pfft."

Robin's shoulders shook as his hand shot up to cover his mouth. "That Raven can't…" A series of sniggers cut his sentence off.

Raven's eyes went wide in disbelief as she looked at Robin, who was losing his control and was now freely laughing. It didn't take long before the others followed his lead. Snickers quickly turned into boisterous guffaws as everyone held their stomachs.

"I'm sorry, Rae," Robin managed to gasp in between the laughter, "It's just that –" And he was once again cut off by his uncontrollable mirth. Starfire looked at her apologetically as well, unable to keep her own laughter in check.

"It's not funny," Raven said through gritted teeth.

"Hell yeah it is," Cyborg answered, wiping a tear form his eye. "I'm sorry, Rae, we love you but, come on! Starfire knows how to ride a bike and she's not even from here."

"Dude, even kids can ride bikes," Beastboy said, sneering at Raven, who looked like she wanted nothing more than to claw at his face. A bubble of rage was slowly building up inside of her despite all her efforts to stay calm. She wouldn't be so bad-tempered if they didn't keep on repeating the fact that she couldn't ride a freaking bike. To laugh at her was one thing, but they were beginning to sound like a broken record, and they was stuck in a song she did not like.

Starfire was watching Raven while Beastboy and Cyborg were playfully teasing her and saw that the empath was not taking it very well. She elbowed a now collected Robin and whispered, "I do not think friend Raven is amused."

Robin turned to see Raven, her usually pale skin now tinged with red. It was clear, however, that she was not blushing. She was seething.

"You know, there's this video on Youtube of a cat riding a-"

"That's it! Give me that damn bike." Raven silenced Beastboy with a shove as she walked towards Robin's bike. She grabbed the handle bars and pushed the bike towards the dirt path that Cyborg and Robin had made days ago.

The titans looked at each other before running off after Raven.

"Rae, what do you think you're doing?" Cyborg demanded, stepping in front of Raven and stopping her by placing a heavy hand on one of the handle bars. Raven gave him an annoyed look before swatting his hand away. "I'm going to ride a bike," she answered simply.

"Yeah, but that's a complicated bike, Raven, it's not really for beginners," Robin explained, placing his own hand on the handlebars.

"Beginners should start with training wheels, Rae. I saw a pink bike with ribbons and a horn down at the bike shop downtown. I'd be perfect for you," Beastboy teased. Robin and Cyborg both glared at him, warning him to cut it out. He ignored them and kept going, enjoying himself too much. "It's just as high as my hip, so if you ever fall down, it won't hurt that much."

Raven bared her teeth at the green changeling. "I can ride a stupid bike," she hissed, "I don't need training wheels." With that, she pushed Cyborg and Robin away with her powers and quickly got on the bike. She clutched at the handlebars tightly as she placed her feet firmly on the pedals. Giving Beastboy one last venomous look, Raven pedaled and shakily rode through the dirt path.

Robin and Cyborg dusted themselves off and gave each other worried looks.

"That dirt path's too rough for her, man," Cyborg said. Robin was just about to run after Raven when Starfire held him by the shoulder.

"Wait, friends. Friend Raven seems to be doing well," she said, a combination of happiness and pride in her voice. The others followed her gaze and, sure enough, Raven was making her way through the track in a steady albeit unstable manner.

"She…She's doing good for a beginner," Robin murmured.

"Good?" Cyborg shrieked, making the others jump. "She's killing it, man! I fell down a dozen times before I even got the wheels turning."

Starfire clapped her hands, ecstatic at her friend's success. "Oh, joy! We should prepare a-"

"HOLE!"

Starfire's musings were cut short by Beastboy's shrill scream as he pointed towards Raven. The others narrowed their eyes to see what he was pointing at, only to have them widen at the sight of deep rut in the middle of the track. Raven had seen it too, but much to her shame and dismay, had no idea how to steer the bike away, nor did the thought of pulling the breaks cross her mind. She prepared herself for her inevitable doom. What happened next, however, was something no one could have prepared for.

The front wheel dove into the depression, causing the bike to skid into a stop. The sudden impact pushed Raven off the seat and, in a gloriously humorous turn of events, onto the top tube. Raven couldn't even scream when her most sensitive of body parts collided against the cold steel of Robin's bike. Her hands instinctively clutched at the handle bars tightly as her wobbling legs tried to steady themselves.

Behind her, the Titans were staring at her with jaws wide-opened.

"Do you think?" Cyborg asked.

"We should check," Robin replied slowly, too dazed to know what to say.

They were at Raven's side in a second, but neither of them were sure how to act in a situation like this. Starfire, who was most empathetic to Raven's plight considering that she had an idea of how painful a blow to the female peaches would feel, placed a hesitant hand on her friend's shoulder and asked, "Friend Raven, are you alright?"

It was Beastboy who opened his mouth to answer. "Alright? Dude, did you see how hard she hit that top tube? There is no way in hell she's alright. It looked so painful, my nuts could feel it," he said without inhibition, much to everyone's chagrin. He did not stop there, however. Placing his hand on Raven's other shoulder, he continued. "Damn, Rae, I can only imagine how excruciating it must be for you right now."

"Beastboy," Robin said, a warning tone in his voice.

"I mean, it's a miracle you're still standing up! With that force, I imagine you must have concaved inside yourself."

"Cut it out, man," Cyborg hissed, looking warily at Raven, whose hood covered her face from their view.

"Dude, I can't even begin to imagine how painful it must be for you to pee afterwards. Your lady part is going to sting for days."

In a flash, Raven's hand shot out and grabbed Beastboy by the collar of his suit. She brought him down to face her and glared at him, four demonic eyes showing themselves from under her hood.

"If you don't shut your fucking trap from talking about my lady part, I will punch your face so hard you're going to concave deeper than the freaking Pacific Ocean. I can only imagine how painful that's going to be for you," she snarled, her voice a cacophony of all things fearful and unpleasant.

Beastboy chuckled nervously. "No more lady parts," he said, his voice wavering.

Raven let him go with a shove and sighed, collecting herself. After a few intensely frightening moments for the Titans, Raven reached a hand out and said in a soft voice, "Please help me off this cursed bike. I'm in too much pain to move."

Cyborg and Robin immediately got a hold of both of her arms while Starfire steadied the bike from underneath her.

"Do you think you could raise your leg over to one side, Rae?" Cyborg asked.

Raven looked at him with wide, bewildered eyes, her face crossing between shock, anger and desperation. "Cyborg, my nether regions feel like the pits of hell and they hurt like a mother. The only reason I'm not peeing in pain right now is that I'm concentrating every fiber of my being and every ounce of my powers towards my messed up vagina. So, please, do not make me do anything that'll make me wish the world would open and swallow you up," she shrieked out uncharacteristically. By the way she was pleading, Robin knew she was close to losing it.

After a few embarrassed apologies from Cyborg, Starfire gently lifted Raven off the bike. The alien was just about to hand Raven over to Robin when the empath clutched at her neck.

"Please spare me the embarrassment of Robin asking me if my privates are doing well and carry me back to the tower yourself, Star," Raven asked.

"I wasn't going to ask you that," Robin cried out defensively. Beastboy and Cyborg gave him a look, which made him scratch his head sheepishly and admit, "Okay, maybe I was."

Before Starfire could fly off to the tower, Raven turned and directed a hand towards Robin's bike, sending a wave of her powers to knock the bike off the ground and hurtling it towards the sea. Robin's eyes grew wide in shock as he gave a chocking cry. "What the hell, Rae?"

"That bike was spawned from hell," Raven replied.

"That was a gift from Batman," Robin retorted.

"Even worse."


	2. Not that sorry for your loss

"A get well card?"

"Yes," Starfire chirped, clapping her hands together.

"For losing a bike?"

"Precisely," the alien princess said, nodding so fast her bangs bounced along with her. She obviously thought of her idea as brilliant. Raven, however, did not.

"Losing a bike barely merits anyone a get well card, Star. Let alone Robin. He's a strong guy. He'll live," Raven said, turning back to her book. Starfire placed both her hands on top of the book, deliberately covering the pages.

"But friend," she whined, "you did not see Robin. After your unfortunate accident with his bike, he has been so downcast at the loss of it. It is truly heartbreaking."

"How tragic," Raven said, not bothering to hide the sarcasm in her voice.

"So, you will write the card of getting well?" Starfire asked, her eyes bright with hope as she pushed her face closer towards the empath.

"I would rather sell my soul to Ronald Mcdonald," Raven replied, pulling her book away from Starfire's grip. "Look, Star, it was just a bike. Robin has the means to buy a thousand bikes if he wanted to."

"But you are wrong, Friend," Starfire said, gripping a surprised Raven's wrists. "The bike had great value to him. It must be because it came from his mentor."

Raven scoffed. "Batman has even greater means to not only buy Robin a thousand bikes but the NASCAR track and Tony Hawk along with it. "

Getting impatient with Raven's indifference, Starfire crossed her arms and stood up straight. "What must I do to get you to write the getting well card?"

"Nothing you can do will convince me to write any card, Star. I'm sorry," Raven raised her book to cover her face, hoping that she would be able to at least finish reading a single page. In a split second, the thick leather bound book disappeared from her hands and was dangling precariously in-between Starfire's slender fingers. Raven let out a choked scream. "What are you doing?" Raven shrieked, her eyes never leaving Starfire's fingers.

"You will write the getting well card or you can forget about finding out whether…" Starfire paused as her eyes quickly skimmed through the open page. "Whether this Valjean fellow obtains his loaf of bread or not." She finished with a determined nod.

"That's not what the story is about, Star."

"Oh well. I shall never know what it is about, and neither will you." Starfire's emerald eyes glowed they narrowed on the book.

"No!" Raven screamed, dashing towards the alien with her arms outstretched before her. "What the hell is wrong with you?" She jumped in an attempt to snatch the book away from the taller alien's hands, but Starfire effortlessly warded her off.

"You will get your book back in pristine condition if you agree to write the getting well card," Starfire said.

Raven couldn't believe her ears. Sweet, kind Starfire was blackmailing her. "Where did you learn to blackmail? Have you been hanging out with Beastboy too often recently?"

"Just agree to write the card, friend Raven, and all will be well."

Raven rubbed at her temples and answered through gritted teeth, "Alright."

"Oh joy!" Starfire cried out, her mood changing from threatening to bubbly faster than the Flash. The alien gave the book to a flustered Raven before enveloping her into a tight hug. "Robin will be most pleased."

That night, Robin went inside his room and stopped dead in his tracks when he spotted a white envelope sitting on top of his pillow. His eyes scanned around his room warily before he approached his bed, ripped the envelope open and read its contents.

Dear Robin,

Someone told me you were feeling down about your bike. I'm not. But my limited edition copy of Les Miserables is in danger if I do not write you this letter. I am literally writing this against my will; Starfire is holding my book up with one hand while her other hand is glowing dangerously with one of her starbolts. Despite the circumstances, let it not be said that I am insincere.

I do not regret throwing your bike into the sea at all. To be quite honest, it was the highlight of my week. But I am sorry that you are feeling down about it. Frankly, Batman could always buy you another one. But then, I suppose your attachment for the wretched bike comes from the fact that Batman gave it to you. I understand completely. He cannot show you physical affection so he makes up for it with material things.

I'm kidding. Actually, no, I'm not.

To appease Starfire, and hopefully, to cheer you up, I have drawn a pretty accurate sketch of your bike. Something for you to remember it by. Again, I am not sorry for the loss of your bike. But I do feel a bit guilty for making you sad. Only a little bit, though. Because let us not forget that your bike is the reason why I walk around the tower with a pack of ice in between my thighs.

Sincerely, Raven

Robin took out the second paper from the envelope and looked at it.

Drawn in amazing detail was Robin's bike, surrounded by sea weed, corals and fish. Beside the bike was a tombstone engraved with the words, "RIP Robin's bike".


	3. Raven's guide to selfies

"No," Raven said with finality, crossing her arms and her legs to show that she was not getting her butt of the couch for something so trivial. She couldn't fathom how Cyborg could even think of asking her such a favor in the first place.

"Come on, Rae," Cyborg said in an uncharacteristic singsong voice. "It's just this one time."

"Cyborg, you do understand that the favor you're asking is torture for me?"

Cyborg scoffed and stood up straighter. "Now you're just exaggerating. It's just a couple of pictures, Rae."

"No," Raven replied bluntly before burying her face in her book, determined to ignore Cyborg and his pleas. The latter, however, was determined to get her off the couch. He pulled the book away from her hands and threw it across the room, much to Raven's shock.

"What the hell, Cyborg?" she cried out, standing up. She dashed for her book but was stopped by a gigantic hand to her face. She sputtered as she staggered back, running her hands on her face to wipe away traces of Cyborg. "That was foul. Your hand smells of gasoline."

"It's my manly musk," Cyborg retorted. He crossed his arms once more, standing to his full height and casting an intimidating shadow that loomed over Raven. "Would it kill you to have your picture taken?"

"I wouldn't know. I never had my picture taken," Raven answered, sitting back down on the couch.

"You only have one picture in existence; the one we took for the Titans database. And you had your damn hood on, so we can't see your damn face," Cyborg pointed out.

"Remind me to look for that and burn it."

"So, to add to your unsatisfying modelling portfolio," Cyborg continued with sarcasm, "You're gonna get your moody ass outside so that you can get your picture taken in Robin's sweet new Iphone."

Raven scoffed. "That Iphone is just another means for Batman to make up for his lack of physical affection."

"I don't care what you think of Batman's parenting skills. All I care about is seeing you in that shot," Cyborg replied, pointing a finger towards the door.

Raven glared at him in defiance; Cyborg glared back at her in persuasion. The two locked gazes for excruciatingly silent moments, each one determined to win this battle of stares. A few more seconds passed and Raven heaved a heavy sigh. She could never resist Cyborg.

"Alright!" she cried out, raising her hands in defeat. "You win." She got off the couch and threw a venomous looks towards Cyborg, who was now smiling from ear to ear. "Be thankful I tolerate you."

"You like me and you can't say no to me," Cyborg laughed, wrapping his arm around Raven's shoulders and bringing her close to mess up her hair. The empath pushed herself off him, unable to stop the smile that formed on her lips.

Raven stepped out of the front door and was greeted by the sight of Starfire and Beastboy smiling behind Robin, who had his arm raised with his new phone in hand. He turned to Raven, his eyes growing wide as she approached them.

"You actually came?" he gasped, making Raven raise an eyebrow.

Cyborg came up from behind her, a cocky grin plastered on his face. "Rae-rae can't say no to my charm. My power of persuasion is more effective than you think."

Understanding dawned upon Raven. "You thought I wouldn't agree to have my picture taken," she accused Robin.

"Well, did you?" Robin asked, a challenging tone in his voice. "I mean, would you have willingly agreed if Cyborg didn't throw a bitchfit?"

"Hey! I did not throw a bitchfit," Cyborg cried out defensively.

"Touché, boy blunder," Raven muttered. She heaved another defeated sigh as she walked towards a grinning Beastboy and a giddy Starfire; the alien was practically bouncing when Raven took her place beside her.

"Nice job, Cy," Robin whistled, raising his fist.

"Pffft. Nice? I just did the impossible," Cyborg said, bumping his own fist against Robin's. Without another word, he walked behind the trio and wrapped his massive arms around them, eliciting complaints from both Beastboy and Raven. laughing, Robin took his place in front of them and raised his arm, taking a group selfie.

"No one said about this being a selfie," Raven grumbled, glaring at Cyborg. "I thought we were taking pictures normally."

"Less hissing, more smiling," Cyborg replied flashing another smile. Raven turned a millisecond too late; Robin pressed the circular white button on the screen and she was caught midshot, her mouth slightly opened, her brow raised and her eyelids half closed. She looked like she was fresh out of Tomorrowland after consuming a whole bag of weed. Unfortunately, it did not escape the others' attention.

"Nice shot, Rae," Beastboy guffawed, running over to Robin to take a closer look of the picture. After a few seconds, they both laughed together. Raven could frowned, barely keeping her annoyance in check.

"Well, it's nice to see you guys enjoying yourselves at my expense," she said through gritted teeth.

Robin cleared his throat and composed himself. "It's not that bad of a shot," he said, trying to calm her down.

"And you're not a walking traffic light," Raven retorted with sarcasm. Everyone burst into fits of laughter at the exchange, even Starfire couldn't stop a giggle form escaping.

Robin frowned. "If you feel so bad about looking bad, then take the shot yourself." He threw his phone towards Raven, who was confused as to how she managed to catch it in her shocked state.

"Me?" she croaked, fumbling with the phone in her hand which suddenly felt cold as ice and weighed heavier than it ought to.

"Yes, you," Robin said, smirking. He could sense her unease and knew she didn't have a clue on what to do. Raven affirmed his thoughts when she flipped the phone towards her and accidentally took a shot.

"OK, I'm not doing this," she growled. She turned to walk away but was blocked by Starfire.

"Please do not walk away, friend Raven," the alien pleaded with big eyes, bright and hopeful. "It is very rare for us to have a photograph together and I would be most honored to share one with you."

Raven felt her stomach drop to the floor. Starfire was giving her the look. The infamous look that was powerful enough to coerce Robin to skip training, Beastboy to stop playing videogames, and Cyborg to take a break from tuning up the T-car so that they could all gather around the television and watch Modern family the whole day yesterday. In fact, she had skipped on meditation to watch the series, and now she was going to fall for it again. It was futile.

"Alright," Raven groaned as Starfire happily dragged her back towards the group. The empath was too distraught with her predicament to see Starfire give Beastboy a wink, or too hear Cyborg snigger, or even to feel Robin's smugness rising up inside him.

The group took their positions and posed, looking at Raven. She smiled weakly and turned, raising her arm. Her smile faltered when her hand trembled and her grip on the phone became unsteady. Panic overrode her senses and she automatically pressed the white button a number of times, taking shot after shaky shot. Her teammate's complaints bombarded her in an instant.

"Dude, my head's not in the shot!"

"You're out of focus, Rae."

"Friend Raven, I was not prepared."

"Damn girl, let us know before you take a shot! I didn't get to flex."

Raven turned, the onslaught of their emotions making her lose control on her own. "Shut up! This is harder than it looks and I was not trained for this!" she screamed, oblivious to a couple of potted plants exploding into a mess of dirt and leaves.

"You can operate a super computer but you can't take a decent selfie?" Beastboy chided.

"I'm sorry, but there weren't any Idiot's Guide to Selfies back in Azarath," Raven replied with a snarl.

"Just try taking another one. Maybe we'll actually be recognizable this time," Robin teased.

Raven turned, seething, but she raised her arm nonetheless. Nervousness crept into her system once more, causing her to break out into a cold sweat. The pressure to take the perfect shot was ridiculous and it weighed down on her with such intensity.

"Anytime today, Rae," Beastboy said through gritted teeth, determined to keep his smile in place.

"One, two, three." The words spilled out of her so fast, it put the Flash to shame. Her fingers pressed on the white button a number of times just as quickly.

Once again, a barrage of complaints attacked her.

"Seriously, Rae? Can't you get my whole complete anatomy into the shot just once?"

"Rae, you gotta keep your hand steady."

"Friend Raven, can you tilt it down just a bit? My legs are starting to cramp from bending down too long."

"Awwwww come on, Rae. Give a man a chance to flex."

Raven spun around, her eyes wide and wild with frustration and annoyance. "You know what? You can all take this phone and shove it up your asses," she hissed as she shoved the phone back to a surprised Robin. "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go meditate because I don't want the guilt of blowing up the tower over a couple of selfies to haunt me for the rest of my life. The stress is not freaking worth it." And with that, Raven stormed off, leaving her teammates in shock.

Beastboy broke the awkward silence with a low whistle. "She didn't get a single decent picture of us, did she?"

Robin browsed through his gallery, checking each of Raven's shameful shots. Just as he suspected, most were out of focus. The ones that weren't either resulted in them having chopped heads or faces, and unattractive expressions. But one thing was consistent. In each shot, Raven was kept in focus and his phone managed to capture each and every confused look she had. Instead of looking ditzy, she actually looked fragile and strangely beautiful with her eyebrows furrowed and her thin rosebud lips slightly opened. The boy wonder smiled; he now had a collection of photos featuring Raven out of her element. He didn't know why, but the thought made him happy.


	4. Ringing Dominos

"You've got to be kidding me," Raven said, looking at her teammates with judgement after reading the list in her hand.

"Do we look like we're kidding?" Robin asked, raising a brow at her.

It was a Friday night and the team was currently gathered in the living room. The whole week had been quiet, with only a few robberies that the police could handle by themselves. Beastboy suggested a movie marathon and for once, everyone agreed. Unfortunately, three bowls of popcorn, a platter of grilled cheese sandwiches, enough marshmallows, graham crackers and chocolate bars to supply an entire boy scout troop with s'mores, and two pitchers of Beastboy's fruit smoothies were not sufficient for the team's appetites. So, someone needed to ring up Dominos and that someone happened to be Raven. She didn't bother to complain until she got to read the list of pizzas her teammates wanted her to order.

"I'm not ringing Dominos with an order like this," Raven said, hand on her hip.

"What's wrong with our orders?" Cyborg asked.

Raven whipped the list out in the air like a waiter whips out a tablecloth and read it out loud. "Well first, there's this cheese stuffed crust ham and pineapple pizza with broccoli, sliced apples, mushrooms and very generous helping of mustard."

"That is mine," Starfire said giddily, raising her hand.

"Gee, Star, I wouldn't have known from the overwhelming presence of mustard in this order," Raven commented with sarcasm. "Do they even have sliced apples?"

"It's Starfire, Rae. Her taste has always been…experimental," Robin said.

Raven turned back to the list and grimaced. "Then there's this one. A thin crust veggie-lovers pizza with special instructions to add more broccoli, mushrooms and olives, as well as lettuce leaves, orange slices and a number of spices I don't want to read to save my sanity." She turned towards Beastboy. "Really?"

Bestboy huffed and crossed his arms. "It's called eating healthy, Rae."

"I call it planting a garden," Raven said without remorse. "But I'd rather go with hat than this bloody slaughter house that Cyborg's ordering. A chicken stuffed crust meat lovers' pizza with meatballs, pepperoni, salami, smoked sausage, even more meatballs, and surprisingly, pineapples." Raven sighed, her hands falling limply to her sides. "What is it with you guys and pineapples on pizza? It's disgusting."

"I like pineapples on pizza," Robin said.

Raven eyed him, her mouth curling into a frown of disgust. "Pineapples? On pizza? Are you the child of the devil?"

"Just order our damn pizzas," Cyborg cried out, running a hand against his face in frustration.

"No. Do you realize how ridiculous this list sounds?" Raven said, raising her arms. "The most normal thing here is the Manager's Choice pizza with extra mushrooms, and that pizza is large enough to feed the five of us. Ordering five different and completely absurd pizzas makes us sounds like barbarians."

Everyone blinked at her, not knowing how to respond. After a few seconds, Beastboy raised his hand and asked, "Can you tell them to add more cheese on mine?"

Raven turned on her heel and headed for the phone, not bothering to argue anymore. She breathed in deeply as she punched in the numbers for Domino and listened to the dull ringtone. A few seconds later, a high-pitched drawling voice answered with a lazy "Dominos".

Raven cleared her throat as she threw a quick glance at her teammates, who were giving her signals to hurry the fuck up. At least, that's what Beastboy was mouthing. "I'd like to order a pizza."

"Of course you would," the drawling voice answered. Raven grimaced; the voice was a combination of a little spoiled girl's voice and a hobo's lazy tones – a mixture she did not like at all. The voice heaved a sigh and Raven could hear her noisily chewing on gum. "You know, you can start ordering anytime today."

Raven raised an eyebrow. Was this bitch for real? "Well, for starters, I'd like to order a cheese stuffed crust ham and pineapple pizza with broccoli, sliced apples, mushrooms and mustard on top of everything. Lots of mustard."

Another sigh came from the other line. "Oh great. You're one of those with unique tastes, huh?"

Raven raised another brow at the shameless amount of sarcasm she was hearing. Apparently, this bitch was for real. "Well, you're in for a treat, sister, because that was just the first one," the empath replied, unable to keep the annoyance from her own voice.

"Oh, goody. Lucky me."

Raven turned to her teammates, her eyes blazing. She pointed angrily at the phone and hissed, "I'm going to end up killing this woman before the call ends." Robin and Cyborg exchanged confused glances. Raven turned her attention back to the phone, taking one deep breath after another. "I'd also like a thin crust veggie-lovers pizza; be sure to add more broccoli, mushrooms and olives. If you have them, I'd also like to add lettuce leaves, orange slices and – "Raven broke off mid-sentence to look at Beastboy. The green changeling had been listening intently to make sure that she got his order correctly. He waved his hand, telling her to keep going on with his instructions. Raven cringed and closed her eyes as she allowed the words to spill out form her mouth, "Oregano, Basil, a dash of garlic powder, cut down on the crushed red pepper flakes and add ¼ teaspoons more of thyme and rosemary."

There was silence on the other line before the drawling voice answered, "You do know that this is Dominos, not the Louvre?"

Raven took a double check. "The Louvre is a museum."

"Well, Dominos is not a museum, lady."

Starfire gave out a yelp when a couple of cushions lying innocently beside her were engulfed in black energy and blew up in a mess of feathers. Beastboy and Cyborg stood from their seats in shock, cautious of their alarmingly breakable surroundings. Robin jumped off the couch and sped towards Raven, confusion in his face.

"What the hell?" he hissed in a low voice.

Raven brought the phone down from her ear and covered the mouth piece with her hand. "This stupid wench is getting on my last nerves," she said in a monotonous voice. But Robin caught the slight waver at the end, hinting that she really was getting pissed.

"Just calm down and finish the orders," he said soothingly, placing a comforting hand against her back.

She sighed and placed the phone back on her ear. "Look, can you just follow that specific set of instructions? The person who's going to eat that will most likely end up with a bad case of diarrhea if you don't follow it to the t. I don't want my living space smelling like crap from various animals."

The drawling voice scoffed. "Various animals? Who's the guy? Beastboy?"

Raven did not deign to answer. After a few silent seconds, an audible gasp came from the other line and the drawling voice picked up a cheerier note as understanding set in. "No way! Are you a Teen Titan?!"

"Can we please get on with my order?" Raven said through gritted teeth.

"Oh my gosh! You're Raven!" the high-pitched drawling voice disappeared completely to be replaced by a squealing high-pitched drawling voice fangirling over the phone.

Raven winced, pulling the hone away from her ears. "Look, can you just let me order?" she growled and raised the list to her face, not giving the voice a chance to answer. "I want a chicken stuffed crust meat lovers' pizza with lots of meatballs, pepperoni, salami, smoked sausage, and freaking pineapples."

"That's a mouthful. Is that order for Robin?"

"Oh dear god,' Raven sighed, rubbing her temples.

"It must be. He must eat a lot of protein to be that sexy."

Raven's eyes went wide and she almost choked on her own breath at what she heard.

"Oh my gosh! Is Robin there with you right now? You know, I wouldn't mind taking orders from him."

"Excuse me?" Raven spat out.

The voice giggled girlishly. "Well, I meant the pizza, but you know, if things get kinda kinky with the call, I wouldn't mind that either."

Robin took a step forward when he saw Raven trembling. "Rae?"

Without a word, Raven shoved the phone and the list towards a confused boy wonder. "I can't take this anymore. You talk to the wench with the pitifully low IQ who wants to procreate with you!"

Everyone stared wide eyed at Raven, who walked towards the couch and planted herself right in the middle, grabbing a bowl of popcorn and stuffing her mouth with it. The silence brought about by the odd sight of Raven stress eating was broken once again by Beastboy. "You didn't tell her to add more cheese," he pointed out.

Despite the lack of pizza and Beastboy ending up with both his arms in casts after Raven sent him flying off the window (only to be caught in time by Starfire), the movie marathon went on without another hitch.


	5. The Prank Wars Part I

Part 1: Hell hath no fury than two pissed birds

Cyborg, Beastboy and Starfire stood still, eyes growing wide at the spectacle in front of them – a spectacle that was completely their doing. The trio were in very deep trouble; the fact that Starfire was involved only proved how badly things got out of hand. Her innocent green eyes were now tinged with guilt and shame as they darted from the hunched pink silhouette that was Robin to Raven, who was on her knees with her back to them.

All was still and quiet in the tower, and it put Beastboy on edge. The hairs at the back of his neck stood, feeling the aura of the room grow denser with the mingled feelings of anger, annoyance, frustration, guilt, but most importantly, fear. He gulped. He knew exactly what this silence was – it was the silence before the storm. As he took a step back, he remembered with growing regret how on earth things escalated to this.

Two days before the storm

It started with something so innocent. Beastboy, in his usual impish nature, took a screenshot of Facebook's login page and opened it in the browser. Cyborg came in, sat down, and spent a good 10 minutes clicking like crazy, wondering why his computer suddenly froze before seeing the tab and realizing that it was an image. In retaliation, Cyborg printed out a copy of the cover to Beastboy's favorite Spawn issue, stapled it to some folded pieces of paper, and made a good show of tearing it up and throwing it to the fireplace in front of Beastboy. To say that Beastboy had a heart attack at the thought of his most treasured comic book being torn to pieces would be an understatement; he transformed into a ram and butted Cyborg in the blink of an eye.

For the rest of the day, the two engaged in a duel – a series of pranks to see who could outwit the other the best. Despite of Robin's efforts to reprimand them, Starfire's pleas for a truce, and Raven's constant threats of sending them to the 6th dimension of hell, Cyborg and Beastboy did not stop.

The pranks escalated with the ferocity of a serial killer crossing from fantasy to reality. It came to a point that Starfire had to stay in her room in fear of being collateral damage; the alien was too kind to assert that if ever she were somehow dragged into their childish war, someone was going to pay dearly. Robin and Raven, however, made it very clear that if they were crossed, the two feuding pranksters would be begging for a swift death before the day ended.

One day before the storm

It was one of Cyborg's biggest mistakes. Indeed, the mistake was so monumental, it was forever etched into his robot mind.

It was the second day of the prank wars, and Beastboy had taken the lead with a superb prank: A compressed air tank. The Titans East had dropped by for lunch, and Cyborg, wanting to impress Bumblebee with his mechanic skills ("Goodness knows why Cyborg would think an internal combustion engine is the quickest way to a woman's heart," Raven had said), brought her down to the garage. Beastboy, in all his sly glory, invited the others to go down there as well, which poor Cyborg did not find suspicious at all. And so, while Cyborg was hunched under the hood of the T-car, impressing everyone with his vast knowledge of automobiles, Beastboy took a tank of compressed air, and quickly directed it towards the half-robot's sweatpants, letting loose a strong gush of air that sent the grey, cotton pants all the way down Cyborg's ankles. The garage fell under a spell of awkward silence as all eyes involuntarily gazed at Cyborg's Batman boxers and to his fallen sweatpants.

Humiliated, Cyborg planned a hasty revenge that backfired the moment he executed it. Cyborg knew for a fact that Beastboy liked doing his laundry late in the afternoon. So, he snuck into the laundry room, did his magic to the washing machine Beastboy used, and hid in the shadows, waiting for his green rival to arrive. The minutes dragged long and slow, however, and Cyborg fell into a light nap, only to be awakened by Starfire's shrill cries of help.

The washing machine was on fire, and the tall, statuesque alien was screaming as she tried hard to put the flames out. Five emptied fire extinguishers later (Starfire insisted they make sure, so five it was), Starfire stared at the remains of the small fire, her face blank and unreadable, which unnerved the others. One look at the burnt washing machine explained why – in the middle of the debris was a burnt plastic horn. It was the horn to Star's most prized plush unicorn, the one she spent almost a hundred dollars trying to win at the carnival. Cyborg's apology fell on deaf ears as the alien flew back to her room and cried.

That night, the tower rang with Robin's rage, reprimanding both Beastboy and Cyborg for their foolish games. But, as midnight came, a lone green cat snuck into Starfire's room and whispered conniving words - words of scheming payback and the ultimate prank to finally put Cyborg in his place. Whether it was the grief of losing her plush unicorn or Beastboy's irresistible fluffy cat image, Starfire agreed to assist him.

The day of the storm

Cyborg sighed, looking at the plate of blueberry pancakes drizzled with mustard he made especially for Starfire. He was going to make it up to her, he thought, as he carried the tray of pancakes and orange juice up to Star's room. He froze at the foot of the stairs, however, upon being greeted by the sight of Beastboy at the top, brandishing a nerf gun the changeling had customized to carry pellets of pink goo. The tray came crashing down to the floor, blueberry pancakes and all, as Cyborg ran for his life.

It was at that exact moment that fate brought everyone together, throwing them helplessly into the fray.

Cyborg dashed towards the living room, seeking sanctuary. Unbeknownst to him, Starfire was waiting there for him, holding up a gigantic balloon of pink goo; what the goo was made of or how Beastboy managed to find such an enormous balloon was beyond her. Robin, hearing Cybrog's hysterical screams and Beastboy's maniacal laughter, cursed under his breath and left the evidence room, ready to give them both a piece of his mind. Raven, who could not care less whether Cyborg and Beastboy had resumed with their prank war, made her way to her room, sighing in content as she clutched the rare book of Norse runes and spells close to her chest.

They all converged in the living room - Starfire with the ball of goo in front of Cyborg, who was trapped with Beastboy posing like Rambo behind him; Robin skidding to a stop right behind the changeling; and Raven, slowly walking towards her room and not bothering to take a look at what was unfolding.

It all happened in a few agonizing seconds. With her superhuman strength, Starfire threw the balloon towards Cyborg, who was only able to duck just in time thanks to his enhanced cybernetics. The balloon continued flying, threatening to collide against Beastboy who, thanks to his enhanced animal instincts and prowess, dodged in the nick of time. But alas, Robin, who was so prepared to give a scolding speech but was not prepared for a massive flying balloon filled with pink goo, took the fall. The balloon collided with the boy wonder, exploding with a magnificent blast that covered him pink from head to toe as he was sent hurtling towards an unsuspecting Raven. Robin's lean form crashed against Raven's petite body, pushing her sideways. The shock shook Raven, her mind unable to process anything except for one important fact: her precious book had slipped from her arms and was now flying towards the window with great velocity.

An uncharacteristic shriek escaped from Raven as she raised her hand out, frantically trying to catch the book with her powers. But it was too late. The heavy, hardbound book crashed through the window and fell towards the sea. The faint splash was heard all the way to the tower, where five teenage Titans were now standing in a horrific silence.

Cyborg, Beastboy and Starfire stood still, eyes growing wide at the spectacle in front of them – a spectacle that was completely their doing. The trio were in very deep trouble.


	6. The Prank Wars Part II

Part 2: The Bust Out Brigade

"I am frightened."

Cyborg and Beastboy turned towards Starfire, eyes wide with shock and pity. The three were currently huddled inside Cyborg's room, which the half robot had quickly secured with alarms and locks to protect them from Robin and Raven's wrath. It was the safest place for three guilty pranksters to hide.

Beastboy gulped at the thought of a scared Starfire. The fact that Star, sweet, innocent Star, could be the object of Robin and Raven's anger was completely mortifying. If they could get mad at her, how much more could they get mad at him? Starfire was practically the Titan's little princess; everybody, even Raven, found it impossible not to fawn at her. Heck, Raven wouldn't even give him a second glance when he morphed into the most adorable little corgi. If they had it in for Starfire, then Beastboy would surely be dead.

Panic and fear coursed through him like blood, filling him up to the brim. He jumped out of Cyborg's bed and paced around the room. "This is bad, this is really, really bad," Beastboy muttered under his breath, wringing his hands.

Starfire's eyes brimmed with tears and her lower lip quivered at the sight of a fearful Beastboy. "What is it that we must do to appease them?" she asked, her voice resounding with the desperation for reconciliation.

"Star, I think it would be best of we just stay out of their way for a while," Cyborg said in a surprisingly calm voice. "Let the two just simmer down and clear their heads."

Starfire nodded in agreement. "I suppose you are correct. Anger is a blinding poison."

Cyborg looked away and took a deep breath to collect himself. He may have looked fine on the outside, but he was a jumbled mess on the inside. Hell, he was scared to death. Of all the people in the planet they could have pissed off, they had to screw with the obsessive and ridiculously talented boy detective with the unbelievably high IQ and the half demoness with just as much smarts and the power to wipe out an entire city off the face of the earth.

Beastboy's voice pulled Cyborg away from his thoughts. "Do you think they're gonna hurt us?"

Starfire and Cyborg's eyes widened, their minds contemplating on whether Robin and Raven could actually harm them was even possible.

"No," Cyborg said sternly in defiance. "No way in hell. Those two are better than us; they wouldn't stoop so low as to actually take revenge."

Robin's quarters

"We wouldn't actually stoop so low as to take revenge on them, are we?" Raven asked, eyeing Robin and the ridiculously large corkboard he was studying with such intensity. Countless of paper, as well as pictures of Starfire, Cyborg and Beastboy were tacked against the board, strands of multicolored strings connecting them all in a logic only Robin could understand.

"Don't think of it as revenge," Robin replied with a cold, calculating voice. He peered at her over his shoulder, giving her a mischievous grin. "Think of it as a lesson."

Raven sighed. "That is totally code for revenge." With that, she stood up to leave. Robin dashed towards her, grabbing her by the arm and forcing her to face him. She raised an eyebrow and glared at him. "You'd better have a good reason for doing that, or you'll be losing that hand."

"Raven, this stupid prank wars of theirs has gotten too far. You can't deny that they need to learn something from this. Guilty feelings are not enough to get them to stop," Robin pointed out.

"And pranking them back will?"

"Yes," Robin said with finality, unable to stop the confident grin that spread across his face. "They need to realize what it feels like to be collateral damage."

Raven heaved another sigh. "I agree that they need to be taught a lesson. And yes, I see your point about pranking them back. But you have the wrong wingman, Robin. I'm not really the pranking type."

"You're wrong," Robin stated, grabbing Raven by the shoulders and giving her a slight shake. "You are the perfect wingman. What makes a perfectly terrifying prank?"

Raven shrugged. "Leonardo di Caprio and an Oscar?"

"A perfectly terrifying execution."

Phase 1: Stringing them along

Raven sat still, holding up a cup of tea but not taking a drink. All was quiet in the tower, but her ears still strained in alert, trying to hear the shuffle of footsteps she knew her guilty friends were trying not to make. A smirk formed on her lips as she picked up on their emotions – fear and doubt.

She couldn't stop herself from shaking her head as her thoughts went back to her and Robin's reconnaissance meeting last night. Being the obsessive detective that he was, Robin had set out a complete itinerary of their revenge. If she wasn't already so used to it, Raven would have been nervous at the fact that Robin had dissected each of the guilty pranksters, shifting through their files and records, pointing out their fears and weaknesses, and deciding what course of action to take to assure an effective and unforgettable vengeance.

"They're scared," Robin said, hands behind his back as he studied his corkboard. "Scared and confused. They're probably wondering what to do next. But most of all, they're wondering what we'll do next."

"None of them are stupid. They're going to suspect that we're planning something against them," Raven pointed out.

"That's why we need to make them think otherwise, "Robin explained, turning towards her. "We need to string them along, to guide them away from the thought of the possibility of revenge."

"And how do we do that, oh great deceiver?"

"Starfire is our key," Robin said, pointing a finger towards the pretty alien's picture. "She's not completely naïve, but she's the most trusting. If we can get her to think that everything is fine, then Cyborg and Beastboy will follow."

Raven crossed her arms. Strangely enough, she was giving a lot of thought into this revenge thing as well. "Give Star some credit, Robin. Like you said, she's not completely naïve. It will take more than just a few reassuring words to make her think everything is okay."

"Oh, I already know what will convince Star," Robin said, his voice taking on a dark and sinister tone which made Raven wary. "Reconciliation with you."

Raven blinked. "Come again?"

"Think about it, Rae," Robin explained patiently, "You're the most aloof in the team. If Star sees you willingly open up about what happened, there's no way she can doubt you. All she'll think is the fact that you're actually opening up, and that's more than enough for her."

Starfire froze at the sight of Raven sitting at the kitchen island. Her body was rigid with fear, and Raven immediately felt a pang of guilt and pity. What heartless monster could bear scaring Starfire so badly? Oh yeah, her.

"You don't have to avoid me like the plague, Star," Raven called out, keeping her eyes on her tea. Starfire tentatively made her way to the kitchen counter and sat across Raven.

A few seconds passed before Starfire cleared her throat and asked, "Are you alright, friend Raven?"

Raven would have smirked if she could, but she kept her poker face up. Robin was right; Starfire wanted reconciliation so badly that she fell into their trap the moment she set foot in the kitchen.

Raven made a show to sigh heavily and felt Starfire's guilt. "To be honest, no." She raised her head to face Starfire and used her empathic powers to subtly channel small amounts of optimism to the alien. It was easier said than done as she could not think of anything to be optimistic about.

Sure enough, Starfire's eyes grew a bit wider, surprised that Raven had replied instead of brushing her question off.

"That was a very rare book and I was looking forward to reading it," Raven continued, feeling the seed of optimism she had planted in Starfire grow into a full on tree of hope.

"Oh friend Raven, I am sincerely sorry," Starfire said, grabbing Raven's arm. "I did not wish for things to go that far and I am regretting it very much. Please forgive me, friend."

This was it. Reconciliation. Raven gave a Starfire a scrutinizing look before she offered a weak smile. "Don't think about it, Star."

That was all she had to say. Happiness and relief bombarded Raven with such intensity, it was a surprise she hadn't drowned from too much joy. As the alien continued pouring words of apologies and gratefulness, Raven smiled inwardly as she wondered how quick things would unravel at Robin's end.

Phase 2: Everything's alright

He was typing something into the Titan's criminal database when it happened.

"Robin?" Beastboy asked, opening the door just enough to poke his head in.

Robin allowed himself a quick smile before turning to his green comrade, his usual interested but unreadable expression plastered on his face. "Yes?" he asked, already knowing the answer before it came out of his friend's mouth.

"So, about the other day," Beastboy started, wringing his hands. The door now opened wider, revealing a meek Cyborg behind him, his head hung down. "We're really sorry, man."

"We know things got way out of hand," Cyborg added, "Hell, I can't even look you and Rae-rae straight in the eye anymore."

"It's alright, guys," Robin answered expertly, having gone through this conversation in his head a dozen times. After all, preparation is key to a prefect revenge.

"Oh my god, you're totally going through the conversations in your head," Raven sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"What?" Robin asked, shrugging his shoulders. "We need to get every step right, Raven." Unconsciously, he stood up and took a step towards her. "We need to take lead in this revenge. If we lose sight of our goal, if we take a wrong step – one single step – then all will be for naught," he ended dramatically.

Raven was quiet for a few minutes before raising a finger and replying, "did you just say 'for naught?'"

"You're losing focus, Raven!" Robin cried out exasperatedly.

"I'm sorry but when you spit out things like 'for naught' while we're planning how to get back on our mentally 10 year old friends, it's just ridiculous. And that's coming from someone who reads books that date to ancient Greece on a daily basis," Raven pointed out.

Robin glared at the empath, who returned his steely gaze with one of her own. "It's time to get serious, Rae. It's time to pull out the big guns."

"The big guns…you mean our acting skills?"

"We need to mislead them," Robin droned on, ignoring Raven's sarcasm. "We need to lure them into a net of ignorance and complacency. The more they think they're safe, the harder they fall into our hands. We need to make them thing that everything is alright."

"Everything is alright." Robin said, a lopsided grin gracing his face.

Cyborg and Beastboy both let out a sigh of relief, their bodies sagging against the doorframe.

"Dude, you don't know how long I've been holding my pee and starving myself cuz' I was too petrified to get out of Cyborg's room," Beastboy said in between bursts of wheezing laughter.

"We had to keep a bottle to pee in, man," Cyborg added, adding his own mirthless laughter.

Robin backtracked and raised a hand. "Wait…wasn't Starfire with you guys?"

An extremely awkward silence followed his question as the three of them eyed each other. "She…didn't pee," Cyborg muttered under his breath, scratching the back of his head.

"Must be an alien biology thing, man," Beastboy offered with a shrug. "Although she did keep shaking her left leg like she was – oh. So that's why she spent an hour in the bathroom yesterday."

Phase 3: Back to normal

Sure enough, with Starfire cheerful for reconciling with Raven, and Cyborg and Beastboy relieved to hear Robin not at all antagonistic, things around the tower went back normal. Starfire went back to her usual bright and optimistic demeanor, experimenting around the kitchen and zipping through the halls, joyously announcing anything new she discovered in the "land of shopping". Cyborg and Beastboy, on the other hand, had resumed their bickering and ridiculous competitions. Amidst all the normalcy, Raven and Robin remained silent; two birds patiently eyeing their prey.

"Let them wallow in false safety and hope. And when the time is right, attack without mercy," Robin said, his voice cold and distant as he stared outside his window, his hands behind his back. When he turned around, he saw Raven looking at him with half-lidded eyes and her mouth slightly open. "What?"

"You do know that you're talking about our friends, right?" she asked, crossing her arms.

Robin's eyes widened in alarm as he crossed his room and took hold of Raven's shoulders, surprising her. "Yes, friends! Our dear friends who are in desperate need of a lesson, Raven, "his voice got an octave higher as he continued ranting, "They need to know that blasting someone with a loadful of unknown pink goo that sticks to your skin like superglue and burns like a mother is not okay, Rae. They need to at least suffer a little bit for all the hours it took me to scrub that damnable pink shitstain off my clothes and skin. My arms are still raw, for crying out loud!"

"I lost an ancient book holding centuries of Norse knowledge and secrets that's probably irreplaceable. Just getting it out there," Raven said, raising her hand.

"That too," Robin added with a wave of his hand. "The point is, Rae, you can't feel sorry for them now. There is no room for hesitation and uncertainty in revenge. We need to lure them into a false sense of safety, trap them and make them bleed with regret."

Raven glared at him. "You know, it's a good thing you didn't end up in the wrong side of the law, or we would have been screwed."

"I know," Robin said, giving her a smug smirk as he stood up straight.

"But there's always the temptation of going into the dark side. I think it would be safer for all of us if I informed Batman of your criminal tendencies."

"There's no need to inform Batman of anything," Robin muttered under his breath as he sat down next to Raven during breakfast.

"Sure there's not," she replied, taking a sip of her tea. "So, when do we execute?"

Robin gave her a grin that looked too evil for her liking. "Tonight."

Phase 4: The Bust Out Brigade

Raven and Robin stood side by side in the hallway, heavy shadows draping their bodies and hiding them in the dark. The empath turned to her leader; his mouth was set in a grim line as he gave her a slight nod. Her eyes flashed white as she phased down the floor. Robin looked ahead of him and ominously blended with the shadows as he stalked the hall towards Cyborg's room. Stopping in front of the door, he typed in Cyborg's code. He smirked when the door silently slid open; Cyborg was complacent enough to actually take the security to his door down – one point for his acting skills. He stepped inside carefully and scanned his trained eyes around the room. The security to the door may be down, but the room could be wired. He spotted Cyborg in the middle of the room, lying down on a sleek athlete's futon, his eyes closed as he charged.

Robin took out a device from his pocket and scanned the room. The screen showed countless red lasers invisible to the naked eye, intersecting around the room. Robin sighed - of course, Cyborg's room would have infrared lasers. Tucking the device back into his pocket and straightening up, he backed against the wall, pressed a leg against it and vaulted up, doing a backflip in midair. He did a series of flips through the lasers, deftly dodging and avoiding each one with uncanny ease. He eventually landed a few steps away from Cyborg, his feet touching the ground quietly like a cat.

Cyborg, for all his sensors and advanced gadgetry, was a heavy sleeper and never even felt the small panel at the side of his head open up as Robin inserted his flashdrive into the port. Robin shook his head as a small light beside the port blinked red, indicating that Cyborg was downloading the files automatically. The Boy Wonder mouthed something about how Cyborg should have upgraded his system as he tucked the flashdrive away and flipped across the room once more, making his way out.

Meanwhile, Raven was inside Starfire's room, taking a moment to watch her friend sleeping peacefully. Awake, Starfire was adorable, but asleep, she was an angel. Raven almost found it impossible to chant her mantra as guilt snaked its way inside her body, threatening to break her resolve.

"I'm sorry, Star," she whispered before chanting her mantra. Black magic sparked from her fingertips and eventually engulfed a number of Stafire's possessions. Whatever jinx Raven had placed to Starfire's belongings, she would find out the next morning.

Raven sighed as she phased out of Starfire's room. She had just enough time to gasp as two gloved hands appeared from behind her and grabbed her, one snaking around her waist and the other covering her mouth. She twisted and turned, only to be greeted by a grim faced Robin.

"What the hell?" Raven hissed, straightening out her cloak.

"Everything good?" Robin asked, ignoring her accusing glare.

"Yeah," Raven muttered, looking away. "I hexed Star's things. Happy?"

Robin raised an eyebrow. "Hey," he called out quietly, grabbing her arm, "What's the matter?"

"The matter, Robin, is that I hexed Starfire's things. Starfire. Sweet, sweet Starfire."

"So, what's the matter?"

"Are you not hearing me, Robin? I just hexed my friend."

"Ancient Norse book."

"Let's get to Beastboy."

It was half an hour past 3 in the morning when they finished; Robin and Raven sat across each other in the kitchen island, not a single sign of sleepiness or fatigue in their features. They were both too worked up to feel tired.

"Do you think's it's going to work?" Raven asked, looking straight at the refrigerator.

"Positive. This is foolproof." Robin replied immediately, his eyes also stuck to the fridge.

"Don't you think this will scar them forever?"

"Oh I don't think so," Robin replied. "I know this will scar them for life."

The two gave one last look at the fridge before standing up and heading to their rooms, leaving an ominous silence in their wake.


	7. The Prank Wars Part III

Part 3: When the birds come marching in

Starfire

Starfire woke up, green eyes blinking as she tried adjusting to the brightness of the room. The sunlight poured through the window, bathing everything in a peaceful golden blanket that made Starfire sigh. She pushed the blankets out of the way and stretched, smiling as she felt the satisfying pops run through her spine. She was halfway to the bathroom when she stopped, the smile on her face wavering a little bit. Something felt odd about her room. Her eyes roamed around, scanning through all of her possessions, trying to grasp where the strangeness was coming from. Everything seemed normal though.

She shrugged and continued on to the bathroom. The strange feeling came back the moment she stepped into the pristine white-tiled floor. Once again, Starfire paused, her emerald eyes scanning each corner of the bathroom before she slowly approached the sink. Her brows furrowed as she took her toothbrush and tube of toothpaste, not quite shaking the feeling that something's off.

The second she pushed her toothbrush inside her mouth, she knew that feeling was correct. Her face contorted into a series of disgusted and horrified looks before she threw her toothbrush to the side and spat into the sink, her mouth burning with the taste of mustard.

Starfire's hand shot up to cover her trembling mouth, shock coursing through her body. With a shaking hand, she picked her tube of toothpaste and brought it close to her nose, taking a wary sniff. It smelled like toothpaste. Sticking her tongue out, she pressed it lightly against the opening and gagged. That definitely tasted like mustard.

She stared at the tube of toothpaste in her hand, bewildered. It was obviously toothpaste; it looked like toothpaste, it smelled like toothpaste, but it did not taste like toothpaste. After a few moments of racking her brain for an explanation to this phenomenon, she concluded that her toothpaste must have expired.

She hesitantly threw the tube away and walked towards the shower, intending to wash off the morning's unpleasant surprise with a nice warm bath. She stripped naked and turned the shower on, letting a contented sigh escape her lips as she reached for her bottle of strawberry scented shampoo. She hummed Natasha Bedingfield's a pocketful of sunshine as she lathered her hair with a generous amount of shampoo. It took Starfire a few moments before she realized that she did not smell strawberries. She tilted her head to take a better sniff around her when suds from her hair trailed down towards her eyes.

Then, hell broke loose.

Starfire let out a chilling scream as she desperately rubbed at her eyes, trying to take the sting out. She reached for the shower hose, and as she opened her eyes to rinse them, she gasped in horror at her hands, covered with the sickly yellow of mustard. Within a split second, the alien was bombarded with everything about mustard – the tangy scent that now clung to her hair; the sticky residue of it on her head, hands and shoulders; the yellow trails of ooze that now traveled down her torso; and the burning sting of it seeping into her eyes.

Starfire continued letting loose a bloodcurdling scream as she dashed out of the shower, frantically grabbing for her towel. She barely ran out of the bathroom before she slipped on something and tumbled backwards. Groaning, she looked at the floor to see what she had slipped on. Her eyes grew comically wide at the sight of the yellow pool that spilled freely across her room.

Starfire reached for the sink, propping herself up with shaking limbs. As she took her hands off the porcelain surface, she felt a tacky feeling clinging to her palms and a sense of dread filled her as she turned them towards her. Her hands were oozing mustard. She did not know where they came from or how they got there, but she could clearly see her hands completely enveloped in the yellow substance, as if she'd just dipped them in a tub full of mustard.

It was all too much – the abundance of mustard all around her. In her dreams, it seemed so heavenly. But now, it was something out of a horror movie. And in the fashion of horror movies, she let out another spine-chilling scream.

Cyborg

A persistent beeping sound woke Cyborg up, making him groan as he lazily sat up, rubbing his good eye with one hand as the other eye came to life with red colored data, looking every bit like a miniature computer screen. Cyborg chuckled at that thought. Being half robot meant that computers were practically organs to him, yet it always never failed to amaze him how half of his insides looked like the JLA tower's engine, or how Batman's screen had the exact same interface as his robotic eye. Screw Google glasses, his robotic eye were scanning, alerting and transmitting him information even when he wasn't asking for it.

I've got a whole list of –

Cyborg jerked at the sudden sound, which disappeared just as quickly as it appeared. He looked around, trying to see where it came from. After a few seconds of straining his ears and hearing nothing but silence, he assumed that it must've been from Starfire's room.

He got out of bed and started tidying his blanket up when…

You can brush my hair-

Cyborg jerked again, hissing as he dropped his blanket like a hot potato. His heart raced as he stood still. That definitely did not come from Starfire's room. He scanned his room warily, his robotic eye zooming among his possessions. Just as it zoomed in on his poster of Michael Jordan, it blacked out and showed a quick snapshot of Lady Gaga, surprising Cyborg.

"What the hell-"he muttered as he took a step backwards. That was all he was able to do before his robotic eye fizzed out. Cyborg stood in complete silence, waiting for something to happen. When he thought that it was safe, he raised a hand to his eye while the other reached for the panel beside his head. His fingers barely brushed against the cold blue metal when his robotic eye sparked and showed a video of Jennifer Lopez. A couple of speakers popped out of his shoulder pads and bombarded the whole room with "Jenny from the block" in full volume.

Then, hell broke loose.

Cyborg's hand instinctively shot up to cover his eye. The last notes of Jenny from the block were barely finished before Britney Spears showed up, and the speakers boomed with her signature whiny voice singing to the sultry tunes of I'm a slave 4 u.

"Sweet Abraham Lincoln," Cyborg shrieked, clawing at the panel beside his head which seemed to be stuck shut more than usual. Panic raced through Cyborg's veins as he tried to collect himself despite seeing his room through one eye and Britney grinding her sweaty body against a half-naked guy's equally sweaty body through the other. His robotic eye fizzed out once more as it transmitted yet another video, this time of Ariana Grande belting out Focus. Ariana was flashing the left side of her face when Cyborg, in a hurried frenzy to get out of his room and ask for help, slammed against the wall, which he'd mistaken for the door. Being half-blinded by Ariana Grande was not the easiest of situations.

"Guys, I've been hacked!" Cyborg screamed in vain. He was obviously no match to Ariana's high-pitched falsettos.

Beastboy

Contrary to popular belief, Beastboy was not a lazy bum. He was actually one of the early birds – yes, pun intended. The reason for that was because of his diet. Being the only vegetarian in the team meant that he had to prepare his meals separately, and that usually required a lot of time. Just because he could be an animal didn't mean he had to eat like one.

So there he was, scouring the fridge for ingredients at 6 in the morning. He was thinking of tofu eggs and pancakes accompanied by a carrot smoothie. He set the ingredients on the kitchen island, fetching a chopping board and a sharp knife to chop the carrots. He whistled a carefree tune as he raised the knife at eye-level, admiring the glint in its silver steel. In one swift motion, he hacked off the tip of the carrot, the orange tip bouncing slightly as it separated from the rest of the vegetable. Beastboy paused; something felt odd. He hacked at the carrot again and cringed. There it was again – the strange feeling of slaughter. He raised the knife once more, inspecting the blade and the handle for anything that might rationalize his sudden unease.

After finding no fault, he shrugged and went back to chopping the carrot. But as he hacked at the vegetable with the dexterity of a chef, he noted with great discomfort how the motion felt hard and exhausting, as if he was hacking at meat instead of vegetable. The thought made his stomach turn. Beastboy shook his head and gripped the knife tighter. He was probably feeling off because of lack of sleep; he had been shaving off a couple of hours from his slumber for the past days. He resumed with the chopping, but stopped the moment the knife's steel made contact with the carrot's tender orange flesh.

Beastboy dropped the knife with a loud clatter. His heart raced as sweat rolled down the side of his temples. That last slice definitely did not feel like chopping a vegetable. If he was being completely honest, it felt like slicing through a big lump of lamb. Bile rose up his throat and Beastboy had to cover his mouth as he lurched forward, trying to keep himself from vomiting unceremoniously on the kitchen floor. If Cyborg caught him dropping off a barf bomb in the middle of the kitchen, the half robot would never let him cook again.

Beastboy took a deep breath as he stood straighter, fighting against the queasiness in his stomach. He was being ridiculous; he was clearly chopping a carrot. But he decided to do the tofu eggs and pancakes instead, hoping he could steam off whatever nonsense his mind was playing with him.

Walking over to the other side of the kitchen counter, Beastboy took out the tofu cubes, standing over the sink to squeeze out the excess water in them. He allowed himself a grin as he balled his fists up, relishing the feeling of stringy muscle bunching up as hot red juices spilled out through his fingers and down the stainless steel of the sink.

Everything moved slowly and painfully from there. Beastboy let out a gasp as he dropped the tofu cubes down, backing away with shaking legs. In his hurry to escape, he tipped over the tray of eggs, sending at least three white oblongs dropping to the floor. Their shells cracked with such intensity, the sickening crunch resounding throughout the whole kitchen. Egg whites and yolks splattered against Beastboy's shoes, making him whimper as he scurried away, bumping his head against a cupboard. Wide, green eyes stared at the massacre of broken eggs; only one thought came to mind: murder.

"No," he gasped, running his hand against his face. He stopped breathing when he felt something wet. Looking down on his hands, he saw the red juice he'd squeezed out of the tofu cubes – blood, blood in his hands.

"No!" he shrieked, taking a huge stride to run away. In a horrific turn of events, he slipped on the aftermath of his gruesome crime, landing face flat on egg fluids. He propped himself up with shivering arms, and let out an anguished cry.

-0-0-0-0-

Screams echoed throughout the halls of the Titans Tower. The beautiful morning gradually disappeared behind the grey clouds that inched their way closer, blocking out the golden rays of the sun and bringing the shower of rain and the promise of a storm.

But inside the walls of the tower, an even more menacing storm was brewing, one which Jump City has never experienced before. And in the middle of that storm stood two birds, calm and predatory as they eyed their prey, relishing their demise as they fell one by one.

Starfire was the first to fall. She flew into the room blindly, hands feverishly rubbing and clawing at herself as if to take something off, something only she could see. She never stopped screaming even when she collided against the bookcase and tumbled down.

Cyborg came next. He burst into the room, hands clamped tightly against his ears as he cried out in anguish, "MAKE IT STOP! PLEASE, MAKE IT GO AWAY!" His speakers vibrated with the cacophony of What does the Fox say, and his robotic eye flashed with different colors as it continued to bombard him with the horrific images of the song's music video.

And finally, Beastboy, the mastermind. He fell to the floor unceremoniously in a heap of moans and groans, crawling away from the kitchen with whatever strength he could muster. "I'm no better. I'm no better," he kept whimpering, leaving behind him a messy trail that could only be a concoction of various food and kitchen condiments.

Raven turned towards Robin, her face betraying no emotion. Only when her leader turned to her and offer her a grin did she allow herself a small smile. Turning back towards their fallen comrades, they stepped closer, Robin's hands crossed in front of him while Raven kept hers hidden behind her cloak, and looked at them with cold and merciless eyes.

"Game," Raven said, raising a hand glowing with dark magic towards Starfire, who immediately stopped rubbing her eyes furiously and gasped as her sight cleared, the yellow ooze that blinded her disappearing completely as if it never were.

"Set," Robin said with a smirk, taking out a device form his pocket and pressing a button. Cyborg let out a relieved, shuddering gasp as the music stopped and his robotic eye fizzed out.

"Match," Raven finished, squatting to poke a finger on Beastboy's head. The changeling blinked several times before looking down at his hands, his eyes widening to see them spotless.

The trio turned to face Raven and Robin, shock and horror coursing through them like a river.


	8. The Prank Wars Part IV

Part 4: The Aftermathematics

Everything was broken down into a set of very simple factors, creating an equation that produced results pleasing for everybody. Well, Robin and Raven, to say the least.

First factor: the three guilty parties. To say that they were traumatized would be an understatement. Beastboy had spent the next few days in animal form, always alert on the whereabouts of Robin and Raven; he'd been avoiding them like the plague, running the second he heard or sniffed either of the birds nearby. Cyborg, although acting better than Beastboy, could not keep a conversation with Raven or Robin for more than a few short sentences before warily slinking away and heading for his room with some ridiculous excuse to hide. On one occasion, he actually ran away from Robin while yelling that he had to feed his pet printer. And finally, Starfire. The tamaranean was the most adjusted out of the three, mingling with Raven and Robin as if nothing had happened. Starfire knew that she was at fault and understood that she had a lesson to learn, even if it meant a broken relationship with the thing she loved the most – Mustard. The joyful shivers she felt when seeing that wonderful yellow bottle had now been replaced with fearful trembling.

Second Factor: the birds. Robin and Raven were high with power and neither of them was the least bit guilty about it. Robin walked through the hallways like a king, pleased to know that the tower was in peace under his rule. After the whole incident, he found with great pleasure that everyone was suddenly more than willing to cooperate with his wishes. For once, no one complained when Robin cut movie night short; no one gave a "no, thanks" whenever he offered a glass of his protein shake; and to his absolute delight, everyone was present and on time for every training session.

Raven, on the other hand, had never been so relaxed in her entire life. With no one knocking on her door every minute to ask her if she would like to "venture into the world of shopping" or referee a game of stankball, she was actually able to meditate properly. It left her internally at peace, and for the following days, she was actually capable of showing emotions without breaking anymore fine china.

Third Factor: time. Robin and Raven weren't stupid. They knew it was only a matter of time before Beastboy, Cyborg, and Starfire decided they've been contrite enough; the peace they were basking in now would crash, and it would crash hard. So, both birds have been making the most of the time given them. The precious, little time.

.

.

.

.

.

The peace lasted for a week.


End file.
